| lj its been a while! |
[Oct. 18th, 2008|03:28 pm] |
in a bar just now, awful keyboard so will keep it short.
in glasgow now =) its acce, you should catch a swatch *haha people say that haha* of my flat, its love.
im doing my hnd in graphic design, doing pretty ace at it too!!! nice one,
im STILL with my bf stew...thats more thab 18 months now, bloody hell lj!!!!
my pony moved to london with neil =( london is so lucky, i misss them like ducks would miss water haha.
but aye only bummer is trying to find a job =( lol, it will all work out though, it always does/???
maybe baby.
signing out now. guys keep in touch i miss the lj banter,
oh another thing, met the irvine welsh!!!!!! oh yes, fancical!!!
till next time loveage!!!!!
emjay* |
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| softer than a thruft store sweater |
[Mar. 25th, 2008|06:04 pm] |
yeah i was at stewies all weekend.
i <3 that boy sometimes... we hardly even argued and hes just been so swet to me all weekend.
=]
he makes me happy.
oh and he has given me a key for his house, i think that's meant to be a big deal//? =] |
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| i have a collection of thunder. |
[Jan. 17th, 2008|09:33 pm] |
raawwwrrr.
hi.
im so upset tonight.
i dont want anyone to worry though.
im all paranoid and thinking i have a fucking mental problem.
its nothing a vallium wont fix or a couple hours with mr. jack d's.
but stew is worried. i cant tell him that the voice in my head is SCREAMING at me to open my eyes!
he thinks(the voice that is) that stewie is cheating on me.
and he's not. although...he has ever chance..and acts a lot like it sometimes.
he even threatened to break up with me if i looked at his phone.
i see his point...completly....if i trust him why should i want to look?
but..ive never once asked or tried to look at his phone...but he keeeps warning me.
so whats that about?
i love him you know...i do trust him...thats whats driving me insane...
a part of me things the other part is mad..and visa versa.
which is confusing to say the least.
hes not coming down this weekend. =[ .. the weather...in sure.
he is with his ex mel tonight.
he has met up with her before without telling me..
taken days of work to be with her without twlling me.
she calls him all the times and texts him all the time ...and agghghh
why?!
e'iklsgha'oli
i doubt im going to sleep again tongiht.
=[
say that you're in control |
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| yo! homieeess |
[Dec. 19th, 2007|06:44 pm] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| |  anxious | ] |
love you all from city hall'n all that.
so its almost christmas therefor = FREEZING!
im pretty sure ive been cold for 2 weeks straight, i just cant seem to warm up. boo!
anyways. stewies for a few das then home to celebrate...if you call it that.
at least im gonna get a new phone!! woo! |
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| ok crush this. |
[Dec. 12th, 2007|07:55 pm] |
boys suck.
stew is angry at me cause i dont want to live with him.
i love him.
but i dont want to get serious. i dont want to live with his parents.
like seriously. why doesn't he understand why i want my own(with lisa) place?
i even told him to move to glasgow with me. but no he wont. surprise?
im expected to drop everything for him, but the other way round? no.
grrr.
oh well.
he is (okay dont read this if you dont want an insight into my sex life) also attempting so push me into a 3sum.
yes, im pretty open to most things but i dontthink he is THAT lucky, do you? nut.
oh well.
geezo.
xxxxx |
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| Writer's Block: What Was I Thinking? |
[Nov. 29th, 2007|09:04 pm] |
what in the world was i thinking when i replyd that text from simon.
seriously! marnie? what were you thinking.
yeah i didn't agree to meet him.
i didn't tell him i had/havn't got feelings for him.
so it wasn't bad.
but when you are trying to cut someone out your life its kindof hard when you just keep on,
keeping on texting them back.
im so stupid!
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| this time i think it's for real? |
[Nov. 11th, 2007|06:31 pm] |
geez, its been a while since my last post...not much has happened.
still working in eyemouth freezers!
got my dept paid off though!! =]
i know this is gay as, but im in love. =]
and stewie actually loves me back!!! :D.
he just told me last night, he was drunk but he meant it.
he called me at a stupid time of the morining just asking me "what have you dont to me?" over and over.
cthen he went on to say that he could only think about me all nihgt, =]
later in a text he said simmilar, then he told me he loved me. =]
haha im so so so happy!!! =]
i hope nothing fucks up this time.
i can actually see a future with him, maybe even..marrage and kids. lol, but thats a long way off if it even happens.
i cant wait to see him on friday <3!!
xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx love xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx |
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| yo homes, emmjay is happy |
[Sep. 18th, 2007|10:22 am] |
| [ | Tags | | | =], agh | ] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| |  dorky | ] |
not a big deal i know. i just had the best weekend ever. ><
my bday, glasgow...
and all the small things that no one even noticed.
especially stewie... ==] |
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| you make me feel sick. |
[Aug. 29th, 2007|09:09 pm] |
well... i can stop trying, even sitting here talking to have of you, acting all happy and shit, i cant stop crying.
ive just told my mum how ive been feeling the last couple of months.
and she was really worried...
she is aa phsycologist so it was kindof hard talking to her, and she thinks i need anti depressants and a fucking threapist! rrraaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaawwwwwwwwrrrr!
i feel totaly sick to my stomach though.
all i do it work come home sleep work comeho me sleep. every day.and i never see any of the money at the end of the day.
i have no firends here that i can talk to, and i cant afford to call katie or natalie everyday.
i couldn't possibly even mention so stewie that i am depressed cause hed take the piss out of me calling me emo or something equally offensive,i cant even begin to tell him about simon, or the baby, or even my dad...
i dont know why i cant bring myself to talk to him....
maybe hes just not right for me?
cause tbh...im not right for him he doesn't even want me to be his girlfriend!
ive been seeing him for almost 7 months. yea just SEEING HIMaagg
im starting to think there is something wrong with me, like im too stupid? unreliable? fat? ugly? embarising?
dont i know enough about wrestelling? i like the wrong kind of music? WAHT AM I DOING WRONG :'(
im not even going to tell yous what going on with simon, cause i know someone will kill me.
im not cheating on stew.
well ids i have work at 6 in the am.
i took enough sleepingpills to knock out a horse....so they might kick in soon.
thanks if anyone even bothered readong this...i know im hard work.
..::eem*jay.xxx |
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| Writer's Block: Time Travel |
[Aug. 24th, 2007|07:32 pm] |
If you could travel back in time to spend a day with someone, who would it be and why?
Well, id probably go back and spend more time with him before he died.
Although i was a daddies girl and spent every minute with him that i could, he worked alot-as he had to support a family of 4 aswell as himself and a husky and a cat.... so he really was at work most of my childhood, on the boat for 10 days at a times home fore 3...i just feel there is so much more that i could have learnt from him.
pluss id just give anything to see his tattoos again....
he had the most beautiful tattoo on his backfrom shoulderblades to pelvic bone a huge three headed dragon.
it was so awesome, and i dont ave a photo of it... =[ and its what i want. grr lol.
oh well... =] |
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| rawrs! |
[Aug. 22nd, 2007|11:38 am] |
rite.
MArrrrrrrrrlllyyyynn manson.
theTHEEEE dillinger esc plan, and fob. lol
random gigs but got to love them
the whole thing i was worried about=no a problem now *phew*
but ... i think ive figured out this thing thats been messing me up.
im still like rawr over simon.
but...i really like stew, although...he doesn't like me anywhere near as much as i like him
and even though ive never really been a jealous person, hes started spending more time with sarah...
but its like dates they are going on,
and i got holidays from my work to go to plymouth with stewie but... hes doing something with sarah now..
so thats a bit shit, so i just cancelled my holidays.
its not that i think he'll do anything with her, technically he can if he wants (even thouhg it would be over straight away if i found out)lol.
i dunno, usually i could care less abouit a guy not spending much time with me, but because we have been 'seeing eachovther' for MORE THAN 6 months now, and he still doesn't want to go out with me, it makes me feel like there is something REALLY wrong with me.
like why am i not good enough to be his girlfriend.
on the other hand simon wants to marry me and get a flat together, and have kids... even though that is ALOT more commitment that i can even think about...its better than just following about a guy that can care less about me.
=[
i dont know what to do.
im going to see simon again (half of you guys have just pulled knifes on me) just so see what its like.
talk about where we could go.
but nothing will happen, i just ..want to see someone that cares about me.
cause you have no idea how nice it is to just sit together knowing that im the only person he is thinking about,
unlike when im with stew i sometimes wonder if he even notices me when im there.
oh well.
im going to work...yey. =/
MJ x |
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| you dont live till your ready to die! |
[Aug. 4th, 2007|04:10 pm] |
right...just... grr.
im spazzing again. i have put of the docs all week. i hate the doctors...and all their invasive texts they are gonna do to me *eeeek* id rather re-sit all my exams than have that ...happen *boaks*.
i just hope im not.
i hope non one stells stew that i think i am.
he'd kill me.
i think hes a bit suspisious anyway cause ive not been drinking =/
oh well
i'll go monday.
but yeah, who like ETID?? my lovely ed sent me the unrealeaced album..its awesome!!!! |
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| everyone take cover, the horsemen are crashing through the gates! |
[Aug. 1st, 2007|07:04 pm] |
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YEAH well I'm an arsehole,
Idiot.
SPADGE.
SmegHead.
well....i know some people are going to kill me for EVEN thinking this.
but yeah, i think i might be pregnant again.
Im getting the same wierd feelings. yeah i actually had my period though...but it was like a day and really light (haha gross you's out!!) but...my boobs are sore all the time, and they've grown - a little.(i do realise this may be jsut growning up)
i feel sick all the time, i cant eat or sleep. my skin is alot more sensitive.
my emotions are like fucking rediculous! i cry over nothing! and i get angry at people jsut for looking at me funny.
i know i should stop being silly just get a test...but...i'm really fucking scared.
and i dont have any friends down here to talk to about it.
yeah lucy lives here but she has a habbit of never being here when i need her.
i wish i could talk to stewie about this.but as you'll notice from my last post hes a bit of a jerk and he'll think im lying, or trying to trap him (not talking shit by the way we have had talks about it before) and he will probably leave me.
got i land myself in awesome amounts of shit sometimes.
but yeah...
I'M away to make muffins!!
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| im so not a good person |
[Jul. 30th, 2007|10:19 pm] |
i "cheated on stewie" even though we are only seeing eachother...i dont quite know how that works..but yeah..
all i did was kiss a couple of girls...
i didn't even fancy them at all... *totaly houftin* either that or i just didn't fancy them,
it was just like joke kisses... and one properkiss that i couldn't get out of EVEN though i wasn't kissing back.
and yeah stewie spazzed at me!
saying he didn't knwo why he was with me, and i was a bitch etc...and all this other crap...
and i was just like..*in my head mind* "i thought we were jsut seeing eachother ie. the whole point of that is that we can pull other people!!!!!!!!" RAGEEEEEEINGGGGGG!"
so yeah im just ''seeing him'' but not alowed to pull or ''see'' anyone else.
is it me or is he being a JERK,. >< if he just fucking asked me out already i never would have done it i just had THE worst week ever!
and well i was just all angry at him cause well, ive been seeing him for like 5 months...and we are together all the time, he IS pretty much my boyfriend. im jsut not alowed to say it cause i dont know some fucking shite to do with his ex? well ive had ex's too, ex's that teated me shit and i was a bitch to them too but still man! im NOT HER, you're not them. and i think im falling in love with you.
but yeah , my friend lucy just started seeing stewies mate boab, and they are going out with eachother already.
grrr...why am i not good enough for him.
im not that ugly am i?
or that much of a bitch?
or that stupid?a pain in the ass?i wear too much make-up?not enough?i spend too much time with my friends?dont let you spend enough time with yours?i spend too much of your money?i dont buy enough for you?im not honest enough with you?you cant feel you can be honest with me?you dont like me thinking about you all day?or calling you first thing when i wake up?or last thing before bed?or just radomly in the day to see how work is and to hear your vovoice?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME STEW??? |
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| Writer's Block: By Any Other Name |
[Jul. 19th, 2007|07:18 pm] |
If you could rename yourself in real life, what would you choose, and why?
if i could...although i love my name Marnie-Jane... id call myself Gretchin Grey
the name gretchin just seems so cool...its kinda geeky, but it could be so ace aswell.
and Grey as a last name is jsut me, nothing is ever just black and white with me. im all the greys inbetween.
but ya'll know my name rocks! be jealous.
Marnies.are.boss
x.x.x |
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| im not religeous |
[Jul. 19th, 2007|07:03 pm] |
keep the negative people, who put negative connotations in your head, at arms length.
i found the fastest way to make me sad.
its so bright eyes
so honest.
listen to everyones innermost thoughts and secrets....
i dont even know them.
jsut voices....going on and on....
one guy, is talking about seelf help books..
i agree with him that he doesn't need the books, hes right about EVERYTHING he say.
but i so want to give him a hug.
xxx |
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| maybe one day things will be different |
[Jul. 2nd, 2007|03:57 pm] |
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im not sure
how im suposed to feel
or what im suposed to say
its just part of the teenaged angst bragade
Simon was the love of my life.But after chrismas things just changed between us.We weren't seeing eachother as often,he wasn't texting me back...just usual shit really, so we broke up just because it was blatantly not working.but me being the SPADGE that i am, we ended up trying agian.to an even worse outsome-no trust at all;he thought i was cheating on him, i thought he was cheating on me.and we broke up again.THEN he asked if we could try again and i went up we spent the night together(stupidly X10) and i never heard from him for 3 weeks.i was pregnant.once i eventually got hold of him i told him.i told him i was having an abortion.he flipped (surprisingly?) we planned out me having our baby...everything was kinda going to work out.BUT (its me ay>one does realise ive wrote about this before i actually just feel like an entire this year love life up-date) i had a misscarage, and ficking simon blamed me for it, he accused me of killing something. ..so ive hardly talked to him.
now he goes and smeggingasks me to move in with him, while im going out with someone else. >><<><><><><
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| i want something kinda special. |
[Jul. 1st, 2007|02:23 pm] |
i've litterally had enough with guys.
fucking woody last night...i dont even know what he was up tae!
trying to grab me==NOT ON.
stew was pretty drunk on the phone...but he wasn't with any girls so i was nice to him =]
ive not heard anything from simon for a while,
i know thats supposed to be a good thing(?)
kris is being well ace as a shoulder...but i hope he dpesn't expect more really.
why do i even like stew this much he doesnt' like me how i like him.
its so frustrating thinking he might be sleeping wth other people.
i know he's aloed to as we are just "seeing eachother" but its like...he is mine now
i dont like to share! lol |
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| screaming gets you nothing! |
[Jun. 30th, 2007|07:15 pm] |
|
all you will see is a line in the dark.
hey ya'll just baboutto shlonk into berwick.
supposed to be goin to marks tonight, but i dont really feel the need for a party, so i might end up being a bit lame f i go.
but then again. still have some green,
but you know the crack if you take it to a party, you wont get to smoke any yourself!
but still. i will see what happens.
i just poored red ink on my arm...it went a funny shape...
ah well....thats it ay
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